I’m convinced there is a Secret Society of Toxic Employees. A shadowy underground network where they gather monthly to swap tips on how to roll their eyes during meetings with just the right level of plausible deniability. Maybe there’s even a handbook: How to Undermine a Manager Without Getting Written Up, Vol. 4. You laugh, but tell me you haven’t met toxic employees who act exactly alike, even though they work in completely different companies and industries. These folks may not know each other, but the behaviors? Identical. It’s like they have toxic telepathy.
Typical Behaviors
Toxic employees are more than just “difficult personalities.” They’re the reason good people quit, innovation stalls, and even the strongest teams start to unravel. And while there’s no shortage of resources out there telling you how to coach, counsel, or tiptoe around them, most approaches completely overcomplicate what is a remarkably simple solution.
The solution comes down to one word: CHOICE. But here’s the key – it’s not your choice to make.
Where Did They Come From?
Toxic employees don’t just appear out of nowhere. Their behavior develops over time fueled by a pattern of being enabled, ignored, or avoided. Many learn that the louder or more disruptive they become, the more others tiptoe around them. What many leaders don’t realize is that this is often a cover; a defense mechanism to hide insecurities or fear of being exposed as underqualified or irrelevant. It’s their way of maintaining control.
If you take a step back and observe your own toxic employee, a pattern may emerge. They drive out your top performers, opening the door for new hires. As new employees enter, the toxic behavior escalates. Why? Because fresh talent is a threat. And the more threatened they feel, the more disruptive they become.
But here’s the thing: regardless of what’s driving the behavior, you have the power to stop it.
Give Them the Option to Choose
Every leader eventually reaches a crossroads: when coaching hasn’t worked, the team is suffering, and one person’s behavior is holding everyone hostage. At that point, the question becomes: How do you act without turning the conversation into a conflict?
The answer isn’t punishment, it’s clarity; and that clarity begins by offering a choice.
This isn’t about cornering the employee. It’s about creating a professional turning point. You’re no longer managing around the behavior, you’re addressing it directly, calmly, and with respect. And in doing so, you shift the responsibility where it belongs: back to them.
When framed well, you’re not being harsh, you’re being honest. You’re saying: “You’re free to decide how this story ends. You can either adjust your behavior and remain part of this team, or you can choose to find a different environment that better aligns with how you prefer to work.”
And when that toxic employee runs to HR, or to the leader who’s been unknowingly protecting them and claims you were “unfair,” your response is clear and defensible: “I gave them a choice.”
You didn’t target or punish them. Instead, you simply identified what wasn’t working and gave them the opportunity to grow, or go. That’s not punishment, it’s empowerment.
And really, who can argue with that?
The Skeptics
Some may ask, “What data backs this up?” The answer: your own company policies already do. Performance Improvement Plans, progressive discipline, and formal write-ups all operate on the same principle: behavior must change within a defined window, or there are consequences. The difference here? You’re skipping the red tape and handling it with direct leadership, minus the bureaucracy.
Retirement Math and Vacation Days: Your Unexpected Allies
This approach is especially effective with employees from the Baby Boomer and Gen X generations. Why?
- Boomers are often focused on staying employed until retirement. Ask one when they plan to retire, and they’ll likely give you the exact date and time. Starting over at a new job with less vacation, fewer benefits, and more uncertainty? Not appealing.
- Gen X employees might be trickier. We value autonomy, tend to bristle at authority, and still have a lot of career runway. But even we weigh practical considerations: salary, vacation, and whether we really want to start from scratch somewhere new.
No matter the generation, the concept of choice cuts through the noise.
(I go into deeper generational insights in my book Culture Code Breaker: When Oppression Wears Lipstick and Heels as I discuss how these two generations are shaping the workplace culture for the younger generations. Available this August.)
Bottom line, when employees realize they have power over the outcome, they stop lashing out and start thinking critically about what they’re willing to change.
What If They’re a Top Performer?
Let’s address the excuse that always shows up first: “But they’re producing results.”
If you’re protecting someone because of their performance, you’re also making a choice. The choice to manage the fallout: employee turnover, disengagement, and team dysfunction. You’re choosing short-term gain over long-term leadership. At some point, however, that tradeoff becomes too expensive.
Final Thought: You Are Not Powerless
Toxic employees thrive when managers avoid discomfort. But your job isn’t to tiptoe, it’s to lead. When you offer a choice, you disarm defensiveness and reestablish control without stripping anyone of dignity. If the toxic employee chooses to improve, great. If they choose to leave, that’s great too. Either way, your team wins.
Just don’t be surprised the next day that employee returns with a totally different attitude. Coincidence? Or did the secret society revoke their membership? We may never know.
Want the Exact Words to Say?
If you’re ready to have the conversation but don’t know how to start it, I’ve got you covered.
- Download the free leadership script I’ve used for years to confidently and respectfully address toxic behavior and get results.
- It’s yours to customize, print, and use in your very next 1:1.